Prologue

Challenging alignments. It is a month of all hell breaking loose, people doing the unthinkable. By mid-month I am mentally and physically exhausted, at the brink of being able to maintain my physical position. I may have had a seizure in the night while in my dream state. I cannot confirm this, but it was an experience like no other. There is a definite possibility this happened. Something went haywire within me somewhere. At the place where I work over the weekends, a home care setting, two of the senior staff who cover weekdays walked out without notice. It is unheard of in this industry, it just isn’t done, but it was, at the top of this month. The situation left me as the sole person on staff. A four person job being thrown all at once onto one.

To kick this up to the next even more ridiculous level, one of the two who walked out handled all administrative tasks, leaving no-one in the know of what these duties even were. No direction or instructions were left, and what was left was a chaotic, unorganized mess. Medications, for instance, just piled up inside cardboard boxes, old, new and expired alike. Insurance, payroll, paperwork, etc .. nowhere to be found. The list of what I now had to do, on top of already insanely busy shifts was heaped on, including, of course, bringing on new staff. ( …Okay enough of the drama )—All this is just to say, the madness significantly affected my recall this month. The stress being so high there were some nights I could not fall off to sleep at all. Another absolutely unheard of event ( I can always sleep ). This month, however, it seems is a month of firsts.

Firsts, and potentially lasts. I have been informed I will be vacating Earth space soon. Such a relative term, “soon”. See May 22, 2023. We’ll see how immanent “soon” is. In the experience it felt as close as NOW. The departure point being already in play.

So curious these things. I’ve no resistance.

….

Dream Titles

• Guidance from my Inner council + the concept of royalty
• Somewhere in time, in a wheelchair, in negative territory
• Over the border in Mexico without permission or identification
• My council comes down, water, surrender, grandpa drives me home
• All hell breaks loose, male dominance, physical abuse
• Exhaustion reigns supreme
• Did I seize inside a dream? the clearing of my field
• The dark influence behind an elite family
• Others have entered my space, I acclimate rather than evict
• Locking up, the front and back doors of the living library
• Frozen in place, limp and sedate
• Chanting OM to override day residue
• Hard labor, toiling in the mud, slaving myself <— shifting this energy
• Mundane level of awareness, losing my center
• Bad copies of originals, again I am seeing how something [ – ] has gotten into my workplace
• I am told it is time to go soon, our mission group is being called back into union
• Random numbers, credit and accountability to the system, 3D printing a pillow
• Grey and overcast, moving on ( “to a place in the sun” )
• Sleep disruptions, seamless shift into an OBE, critical data regarding a care client
• Entering a movie and rewriting the script
• I wake up with a migraine, an abused dog comes to me for help
• Night sweats, lab rat again to the doctors and military
• Tapping into a council discussion : subject : increased death rate

….

May 31, 2023

Tapping into a council discussion : subject : increased death rate

There is a group of us. We are noticing and talking about the fact that people are starting to die faster. Each of us has someone in our central circle who has died already. Darr is here, among others. She has the only flying machine that is able to get anyone away from here. I can see her up there in it with one other female. It is shaped like a slightly oblong half sphere ( like a boat with no top ), its colors are a mixture of pale blue, white and yellow. There is also in our group a young gay woman. I cannot tell her ethnicity, could be a mix of caucasian with almost any other darker skinned race. She has short curly hair. She is really cute, in her early 20s still, I don’t know why she is standing out amongst all the others but I feel like I want Darr to know she is here. There is also a Spanish male, perhaps in his mid-40s. There are two objects here of his, both made of the same material ( a kind of metal, or alloy ) and color ( metallic red ). I am picking one of the objects up in my hands. I have the knowing that it is a musical instrument but you would never know it by the shape of the thing, which even now I have a hard time describing. Maybe something like symbol? .. only it is shaped something like a foot-and-a-half-long wave.

May 30, 2023

Night sweats, lab rat again to the doctors and military

( Night sweats ). The first time I surface from my dreaming it is roughly 2-3am, I am in a full body sweat. I immediately, intuitively think “what the heck, what’s going on?” As immediately as the thought arises I see a long winged bird in the desert leave its perch atop a tall leafless tree and fly at an angle down toward the ground, in the distance is a mushroom cloud explosion. As I begin to fall deeper into the fields I see a rectangular geometric structure, it is like a puzzle box of halved and quartered symbols that rearranges itself to form a bullseye and some kind of radiant light display to the left of it. I find myself knowing I have become a target.

From here the dreams are so numerable, so steadily falling one into the other and so content rich that I cannot hold them all. What I do hold to are what seem two important and related “bits”. The first is the tail end of an incredibly lengthy experience. There is a female doctor, I have brought my mom to this location, a campus of some sort, to hear what has happened here. We are outdoors and approaching from one of the walkways. When the doctor sees mom she attempts to evade the confrontation. I make her stay and tell my mom what she has done to me. As she begins explaining this to her I gradually fall off deeper into the fields. 

I am on some exploratory dig site with what feels like military personnel. They are not wearing uniforms, I see only a handful or two of them, they are all male.

There is a structure beneath the ground that I myself somehow know is here. I feel it as soon as I arrive and begin unearthing it with water, two hoses and strong streams of water. The structure is circular and has windows. I have found it. It could be a craft, or entrance into a whole underground ( possibly buried ) city. Or even both.

I get up to use the bathroom,

Continuing in a steady stream of dialogue with Inner being who is asking if I want to see more clearly in more detail what all this is about. Or, in other words, if I really want to know what is happening within me. Why I was so worked up earlier and in such a sweat. I say, “if a friend stays with me and finds it appropriate that I should know—yes.” 

When I lay back down I find myself cycling through all the moments logged above >>night sweats, bullseye, target, mom and the female doctor, exploratory dig site with the military, trying to allow myself to fall deeper into the details. The night sweats keep drawing me, “what the heck is going on?”, mushroom cloud explosion. — target, medical procedures, female doctor made to confront mom, dig site with the military. Even just this is almost too much for me to hold. I repeat, and repeat these phrases until I get up to write them down. It is more important to bring back something than to go deeper and return with potentially nothing.

May 29, 2023

I wake up with a migraine, an abused dog comes to me for help

I wake up with a migraine. My whole body hurts, it is still in shock coming off my work weekend. I can’t even manage to stay asleep, my body is demanding my attention. It feels like it wants me to know more clearly what I am doing to it. I feel nauseas. I also feel really bad about what I have done to my body. It just always seems that things will level out soon. I have made tremendous progress in the household where I am working.  Tremendous progress.

Last night, in the dream, again I am in the house where I work. There is a horrible scene involving a dog ( who I have never seen before ), it is very thin and some other entity is attacking it. The poor thing comes in very close to me and is cowering behind my feet. I only remember trying to help but I couldn’t get him to come out from around my feet. The situation was just dreadful, who would do this to another living being? I would certainly not let it continue. There is one point where I almost come lucid. I am in the kitchen when I notice the light fixture over the large island countertop has changed. The shades are no longer mainly blue, but an off white and grey/purple. This surprises me, I begin to question my environment. I notice the light is not as bright through these shades. Rather than come lucid the dream continues.

May 27, 2023

Entering a movie and rewriting the script

I know there are other dreamers who do this, and even often, but I am not sure I ever have. I entered the script of a movie I was watching last night : The Whole Wide World : and wrote the script a bit differently. I was particularly saddened by the ending, this may have had something to do with why I did this, I don’t know. But it was interesting, to find myself within the movie script. I mostly recall the male lead, who I enjoy as an actor, and a scene in the house, in the bathroom, where surprisingly the male and female lead characters have sex. The mother walks up to the outside of the bathroom door, and the female, who is inside, knowing the mother knows they are both in there closes the door. The scene goes on from there. I am not recalling much of it now, mostly what I am left with is the astonishing feeling of this having happened.

May 25, 2023

Sleep disruptions, seamless shift into an OBE, critical data regarding a care client

Prologue: I have been unusually tired and sleepy this past week, it is understandable given the extent at which I have been working myself, and the sleep disruptions this caused. Yesterday, again, it was all I could do to stay awake at all. I woke at a normal hour but only hours later a warm, sleepy feeling begins coming on me and I instantly start slipping out of consciousness. I decide to take a formal nap, for the second time in the past few days, but the nap is interrupted by a phone call, and then music lessons, one after another until I can see the futility in continuing. This said, even getting myself up again at this time the body is having a mind of its own. The brainwaves continue their shifting as though the sleep cycle had continued. Shortly after dinner, between 8-9pm I succumb to the cycles and fall off into the night. Surprisingly, at 2am, on a proverbial dime I instantly wake. This is beginning to become a thing. I have not just woken, I am wide awake, for well over an hour, maybe two. I am annoyed at a song lyric that keeps repeating in my mind, the one from yesterday. It has actually been stuck to me like glue for weeks. I work for some time at overriding it with mantra, until without even realizing I’ve shifted fields.

I am standing in the room that is used as the office at the house where I work weekends. As soon as I realize I am here, looking out into the room, I realize this is not where my body is. I am OUT OF BODY. Wow. It has been some time since I have had a shift like this. They are not easy to catch, which makes them rare; immediately I know I have had some help. I was woken, held awake, just for this. After looking around the room, feeling the energy of the out of body state, basking in it for a pleasurable moment, the first thing I do is release a bunch of pent up energy. It feels as though I am an exploding star. In the experience I am very close to physical space, still in Earth space, and I know due to where I have landed the pent up energy has to do with my care work and the job I have at the present time. The release throws me back out toward physical space ( the brainwaves must be shifting through beta ). I follow them out and get up to use the bathroom. When I lay back down I shift right back into the same experience.

At a basic level, what I notice is that there is the classic juxtaposition of data, 
so common to my experiences as of late. 

For instance, I am at the residence of my current care clients, but it is Bonnie, a previous care client, not the Fosters who are here. The experience includes extended “family” members who are not from this, but other points in time. While I am here, one of these family member’s, a mother to Bonnie and sister to another female here draws me into assisting her and her two children. I get caught up in this for a time, during which I am forgetting about Bonnie, my duty to her and her own needs. It is only when her aunt puts me into her car with the two children and begins driving off that I suddenly remember, and realize I have to get back to Bonnie, who needs among other things her insulin shot. <— this is another of the juxtapositions, it is not Bonnie who takes insulin, but Jean, my current charge. 

I am now beginning to realize this experience is giving me critical data about Jean, her diabetes and insulin. I am as concerned her new weekly dose will cause her blood sugar to go too low as I am that the diabetes is escalating into her requiring more. What I know for now is that an issue is arising, as now shown, not just on any day, but the actual day Jean currently takes her weekly injection. I trust, as I always do, that I will know what to do to assist when I am there at the house with her.

The sister, Bonnie’s aunt is not stopping the car as I have asked,

…by the time she does it is some distance from where Bonnie is, and she is denying my request to be driven back, she has another agenda. Although she will at some point, she will not agree to immediately drive me back. I have a bad feeling, I know I have to get back there, it is growing immanent. I can stop neither this feeling nor myself, I begin walking back on foot. [ My conscious state is now fluctuating. ] I run into a little difficulty finding the highway road that leads back. I have walked into a hillside maze of paths that all meet in a grassy patch. I feel the mild shock of it when realizing I have stumbled into the grounds of a jail yard. I am not deterred, though, in the slightest. I find a young male and young female who both set out to help me. In return, I know I can break/carry both of them out of here with me. When the exit is found, in the end the young male just can’t leave, he lacks the strength, he feels safe and cared for in the jail/confined space ( it was nice enough, I admit ). I am sad, however, that he will not spread his wings.

I see the highway road now and still feeling the urgency to get back call a cab.

It is like I am on the phone with him.
We exchange names.
He arrives on the road moments later and to my relief picks us up..
It is the road into Laughlin, NV, *another juxtaposition/superimposition.

I wake again.
I am feeling like it is close to the time to get up when rather than doing so, roughly 20 minutes later—AGAIN I shift back into the same experience.

I am in the kitchen with Bonnie’s mom. We are putting away groceries and I am asking if Bonnie has had her insulin. She looks surprised I am asking and is wondering why I myself have not already seen to it. I say “because your sister would not bring me back.” I shift over to Bonnie. Now Bonnie and I are both talking, putting away groceries and discussing things we will eat, for dinner and in the coming days. We are having fun reuniting, being in each other’s company again.

It is now, in the energy of both waking and simultaneously getting this last bit of data that I begin to wonder, and realize, it is Bonnie who is hosting this experience, bringing this data to me about Jean, her diabetes and insulin. I cannot maintain myself in the experience any longer. I am growing to be too awake and a divide is beginning to present.

No further data will come through. Only that which I have thus far received, which I pattern through for a few moments before reaching for the laptop to make my log. 

Three re-entries into the same experience. Wow. 
It must be really important I receive this.

May 24, 2023

Grey and overcast, moving on ( “to a place in the sun” )

My energy feels low/depressed. There have been so many days of overcast, more than a week of them now, so different than rising to a bright, shiny morning. I am really beginning to feel it. I can take a day or two of overcast, but more begins to affect my system. My body has had a chance to heal from my work shifts, but it, too, is low on energy and it has been through such trauma these past months. I know this, and feel it, and realize neither it nor I can continue to repeat this without repercussion. The way forward, through this, is not yet clear.—clarity will come, though, it must. At the moment, laying here, waking, all this on my mind, I don’t want to even move.

In the dream I am in as I lay here I am inside a bathroom, oddly located at the front door area of the house. I am, equally as oddly, sitting on the sink cleaning myself ( it is that time of the month ) ( I must be someone young, I can almost see her ) and looking out the floor to ceiling windows that comprise the walls. I cannot tell if it is day or night, it is as though it is both, perhaps it is dawn or dusk. There is a family outside, a mother who is in a wheelchair and a nearly grown son.

When I get out here I wonder if anyone can see through the windows into the room I was just in, I check them from the outside and it would seem the view is blocked by the reflection of the outdoors. “Good” I think to myself. The mother and son are playing catch. I, myself, have two large ribbons of beige material, scarves, I suppose, which I throw into the air in separate directions, one toward each of them so they each have something to catch but somehow, even from the wheelchair the mom reaches out and catches them both.

There is more to be seen, but it is being blocked by a song that is repeating and repeating a single line >> “moving on, moving on, gotta find me a place in the sun.”

Song: A Place in the Sun

May 23, 2023

Random numbers, credit and accountability to the system, 3D printing a pillow

A lesson in trust and honesty, ( broken trust and dishonesty ).

Ms. May’s grandson is wanting to perform some kind of business involving her credit card. I give him a random set of numbers just to see what happens. After I speak out the numbers I think to myself I should have written them down first, if he asks me to repeat the sequence or any part of the sequence I will not be able to do it. I do not know why I have done what I just have. It seems it is just to see if by chance the numbers will match to anyone’s name. He calls in the numbers to the company and in suspense I wait for the response. A moment later I can hear the automated system saying that it detects fraud. The grandson, well into his 60s now begins presenting more in front of me ( previously it had been as though we were on a phone call ), he looks like someone I know but we have never in actuality ever met. 

We are in a city area on the street, what looks to be circa 1920s. Two police officers narrow in and approach us. They have questions about the numbers the grandson just called in. We know our rights, though, we have not in truth done anything actually illegal. The officers know this as well. We depart from them on the pretext there has just been a misunderstanding. The grandson will not let me approach him now. He is decidedly upset. I feel bad about what has happened. I am really the guilty party. Why have I just done this? Later the grandson returns, he invites me to his house for an afternoon party/gathering. I suspect it is to try to get the truth out of me about what happened, to trap me into revealing my guilt and be held accountable by the criminal system. I will not accept his invitation. 

I am woken by the sound of the leaf blower in operation directly below my window. It seems I can never just wake in peace anymore, there is always a leaf blower, a jack hammer, an alarm, etc.. I get up to close the window. I am very far from ready to wake. In fact I am so deeply in the theta waves as I stand to move toward the window I walk as though drunk. I decide to use the bathroom. On my way back to the bed I see the clock. It is 8am. 

The next time I surface, again it is the droning sound of the leaf blower.

This time I am smiling to myself. I have just been with Robyn. We are in a white room with a large window. The only object in the room is my bed. I am laying belly down across it and Robyn is sitting on the floor leaning against the wall by the window. I had been ordering something for myself when the details shift to Robyn ordering it and me helping her. The item is already here. It is a pillow. I say, “isn’t it amazing how we only have to push a few buttons now and almost instantly we have the thing in our hands?” There is no waiting, no shipping, the item has 3D printed.

May 22, 2023

It is time to go soon, our mission group is being called back into union

It has been so hard to wake today.

The saga continues with my workload and the incredible strain on my body.

It is approaching 4am, following 4 hours of trying that I am finally able to separate from my body and fall off into the fields. I wake as the hour approaches 9am to the sound of a jack hammer in the near neighborhood. “Great”, I think to myself, as my dreaming falls away from conscious reach. Again I cannot easily sink back in, and likewise the body is too tired, too in distress to get up. I go online and begin reading the forums, our own and those at Project Avalon. Maybe two hours later as I am reading about the Naadi Shastra I begin to not be able to maintain my self or position in physical space. I easily succumb and close the laptop, saying “yes, okay, let’s just go in for a moment, then.” A whole afternoon later, in the midst of a large internal event I find myself attempting to condense it in order to surface and log even a few sentences. What I find myself knowing is crystal clear and simply this == it is time to go soon.

All the many segments of our unit are being called back into union. At the moment, in the scene I am being called to guide a yoga class ( yoga meaning “union” ). The mats are all laid out and an appropriate space to place my own for the purpose of guiding the group of us is being decided. I still cannot wake to physical space, I am still being pulled inward with force, by an abiding strength within. I push through only to write these few sentences. They encapsulate everything that is happening. Even in this condensed format they pack a strong punch.

I see it is still overcast outside, I am overly warm, my body misting with sweat. I am not sure I can stay here on the surface. Something is clearly happening. I am being called. Inner intentions are uniting and the decision is being made to leave soon. Like some kind of magnetic force, or gravity I belong to I am pulled into the swirling mass of inner energy and information. Each of us IS being informed. I cannot see the details that would tell me why but this must be the reason I have been working with such vigor in physical space. We are nearing the end of our stay here.

Wow, the words, the knowing flows through me, states itself through me so easily in this moment. It is as clear as anything could possibly ever be. It is 6:10pm. This day is going to coalesce into the next with very little time at all out on the surface. It must be really important that I not be too far out there in Earth space today. I wonder why.

May 20, 2023

Bad copies of originals, again I am seeing how something [ – ] has gotten into my workplace

There are copies of the whole group of us, bad copies of the good. I do not learn this until the end of this experience when a truck load of us run into the others, someone asks a bad copy what s/he would do if they ran into their copy. The answer was not pleasant. Up until this point, I am inside the house where I work weekends. It has many levels ( which it does not have IRL ). I am trying to locate my purse so I can get out of here, and in the process trying to feed the dogs. Something horrible is happening in the house, really horrible things. It is like the house has become possessed. I really need to feed the dogs but I can’t do it where we are, other things are eating what I drop down for them. I call the dogs to follow me and I am leading them to an upper area when a council of men begin to arrive who are putting an end to this whole thing. Who are they?, I wonder. One of them is being nicer, more accommodating of me than the others. It feels like I may be able to accomplish feeding the dogs but I am beginning to wake. The first thing I immediately find myself consciously thinking ( k n o w i n g ) is that I have to SMUDGE the house when I get there. I have to smudge myself AND the house, and regularly. 

May 19, 2023

Mundane level of awareness, losing my center

Inner being is working with me again, this is consistent the past couple or few weeks, with daytime stuff, my weekend job, in particular, which has exploded with activity this month. They are 1 ) going over with me what to do while I am there in the coming 1-2 weeks, and 2 ) giving me lessons, wherein I can see/view/watch, among other things, how well ( or not well ) I work with others. I am viewing from above, and also present in the scenes. Each is repeated and repeated, again and again. I am seeing where to put things, what will happen if put them elsewhere, etc.. things like this. It is like a dress rehearsal, I am going over all the possibilities so that I choose the most advantageous and beneficial from the start IRL. Note: this is very boring content for me to bring back, I need my deeper dream state to return to me and fast. It is like losing my center when life is so busy/chaotic that I cannot consciously hold to the deeper states. For me there is nothing more miserable. They simply must return to me this week.

May 18, 2023

Hard labor, toiling in the mud, slaving myself <— shifting this energy

A small slice out of a much larger experience:  I am with Erich.. he is driving, I am in the passenger seat of a gold colored car, the model is circa 1970s, what we used to refer to as a “boat”. We are on the mountain driving to one of the locations we often visit. There are multiple of these locations on the mountain, we are not going to the lesser of them, Erich is heading toward one of the nicer ones this time. He is taking a left, an almost hairpin turn going up. The upward grade is very steep, I wonder for a moment if we can make it going at this speed. The next thing I know we are at the location up top. It is owned by another woman who I do not know IRL. Leslie and others are also here. I am touring the location, an indoor home setting and also Erich is speaking with me about my job. I remember only telling him that with so much to do the days go by sooo fast. I believe he is trying to get my energy to shift, to elevate my situation and not toil so hard in my work. The other location, where he more often finds me is one where I am doing just this, toiling in the mud and dirt, working, slaving myself nearly to death. I am not sure if he/we are successful or not. If anything, it has helped, even if just nominally.

May 17, 2023

Chanting OM to override day residue

This morning as I wake it is the battle of the subliminal songs.

There is a Neil Diamond song, a few actually which are covering over my dreams; they are songs that I play for one of my care clients when at work so this is ‘day residue’ coming in to play, not a message from inner being. I actively go to work. I begin chanting OM to override the day residue and clear the field. It takes quite strenuous effort, life stuff is in full force at the moment and there is not just an overabundance of work there is all the drama that is coming along with it. After roughly an hour inserting OM, ( remembering – forgetting – remembering ) I have a steady chant going and the field is beginning to clear. I feel fortunate for even reaching this point today, which is all I do manage. I have to get up at this point. It is normally a day off but I have to work –both jobs– today.

May 16, 2023

Frozen in place, limp and sedate

The dreams are gone as I get up at an early AM hour to use the bathroom. My body is still reeling from the previous weeks, it almost feels drunk; confused, swirling, more than a bit off balance. I decide I will do a brief wake-back-to-bed, to see if I can get a lucid going as I am heading back in. As soon as I lay myself down and close my eyes I can see clearly into the fields. It is all just already there. I see a young woman, approximately in her late twenties just standing beneath a street light, still as a rail in the night. She has long, straight, thin blonde hair. She is wearing a thin beige trench coat and beige slacks. I repeat this to myself as I notice her arms are just dangling. She seems frozen in place, not even her breath is causing any discernible movement. 

I try to move deeper into the scene, “who is she?” I ask, “what is she doing here?, why am I seeing this? I am just seeing a hand now, is it her hand? It is possible, the skin tone and shape are correct. There is the idea of a young boy, in the ethers, I cannot see him, but instruction is being sent to him from this woman, or perhaps an overriding consciousness behind her. There are tube-like structures, almost tentacles coming off the top of her hand. I watch as she begins to cut them off. There may be as many as 3 or more. One larger and longer, two smaller and shorter. I am beginning to lose the scene, the instruction is fading. It is something to do with learning to fit in here while human. There is so much more. I have only the gist. This has all happened very fast, it is only 20 minutes later that the wake state is pulling me out. 

—No sense fighting, I am just going to get up.

May 15, 2023

Locking up, the front and back doors of the living library

The dreaming is good this morning, but coming off a seriously challenging work week, 7+ days straight, 80+ hours of unrelenting focus and non-stop physical tasks. I am struggling to now heal. I am nauseas again, the physical exhaustion is so deep. I can see only a moment in which I am returning to enter a building, there is both the idea of 1 ) a large ‘library’ and 2 ) school or ‘university’ — to lock the front and back doors for the night. There is a sense of urgency in the doing of this. I had not realized it had not been done and it is late as I am returning myself to see to it. There is much magical activity. Things that happen inside ( the building ) as I return to lock up. I wish I could see into more of what is happening. There is always the night ahead, though, and I look forward to what lays there for me.

May 12, 2023

Others have entered my space, I acclimate rather than evict

I fall easily off to sleep around 10pm, but then suddenly wake just prior to the 2am hour. I am wide awake and not able to fall back off to sleep again. I am feeling anxiety, again, which is new for me as of the past month or so, anxiety is not something I normally experience. I decide to put on some Art Bell, which does calm my system, along with periodic deep breathing. It is hours, though, before sleep comes again. While laying here I look in to see what I had been dreaming. I say the words “monsters, vampires, magical beings.” When I fall back in, just before sunrise some have let themselves into my apartment. I arrive at the door, step in, and they are already here. I tell them to leave but they are not leaving. Throughout the experience I adapt to their presence. One girl is here for so long I even befriend her. The other two are male, I want to say they are Elven, but it is only the magical influence and energy, I feel, that lends me to saying this. I might also suspect this is their space, were it not so clearly ( also ) mine.

Inside the experience I have an OBE while in a dream state of awareness, then land in the exact location in what I think is my wake state. I am in a state of awe and deja vu as I walk through the location, trying to figure out why this has happened. I am not sure I have ever experienced anything quite like this before. Much more happens while I am here but it has all fragmented to a degree and also this is all the time I have this morning to write. It is normally a day off but I have to work. Phenomenal experience, though, truly phenomenal juxtaposition of states.

May 11, 2023

The dark influence behind an elite family

There is a family— a husband, wife, daughter, two sons, a domestic worker ( nanny, cook, housekeeper ) and dogs. The couple are elite, appear approximately in their late 50s, the children are grown, the staff woman is pretty, dressed elegantly and of some kind of Spanish decent. There is something wrong with this family, I can’t quite put my finger on it in the experience. There is the feeling of a dark undercurrent, it is intoxicating to me while I am here, they have mental powers. It could be that there is a dark entity which has connected with them and it is not exactly them who are of the dark and have these powers. I have only this feeling and flashes left of the experience. 

Within the experience I am not sure I am, who I am merged with while here but I am embodied. I am a tall, slender female. I see my body when going in to take a shower. One of the sons walks into the bathroom while I am here. He sees me full on. I simply turn him around and shoe him out the door. When a moment later he does the same I shoe him out again. Something that is in the background of this experience attempts mating the husband with me. I can hear his mental pleas, at this point he does not want to do this. All of us are being manipulated, moved and controlled, at times each falling into the dark spell of that which is controlling us.

I feel I must be another kind of domestic worker who has been brought in to serve the family. When I find out the dogs have not eaten in some days I spring to action on this. I am actually woken from a dead sleep by the boys to do this. A day or two later when I find out it has happened again, specifically because there is no dog food in house I just can’t understand. My conscious mind is reeling at the fact. In my mind, throughout the remainder of the experience I keep asking why someone with dogs would not keep ample food for them.

I recall a scene where I am sitting at a table outdoors, others of the family are here, the husband is sitting to my left at the head of the table, all the rest are blurred into the background. In front of me, on the table are various rocks and stones. Among them I see ( and pick up ) a large, beautiful, cut aquamarine crystal. Holding it in my hands, connecting with the husband I say “what a beautifully cut aquamarine.” I am admiring it as he is admiring me and my interest in it. He begins to infer to me that there are secrets to the crystals which lay beyond my knowing.

My conscious self thinks he must not be aware of my skills, with both the conscious shift into larger life and the crystals. It wants to tell him but something in me is holding me back from being able to. In the scene the husband has brought in a male master/tutor with the secrets and knowledge previously inferred. I am now sitting as if in class, together with the daughter, listening as the tutor orates the knowing. I can’t sit still, though, the dogs have to be fed, I have to get to the store, it is getting late, hours after they already should have been fed.

I get up from my seat and return to the table out front. The husband is still sitting here at the head of the table. I lean in and whisper in his ear “may I go to the store?” He asks me which store I will go to. I say “the Vons store.” Now the scenes begin to shift and I am walking with the daughter toward the store. I am taking in my surroundings. Somewhat confused, but acknowledging, and saying to the daughter ( who is trailing me ) “I am not where I had thought I was, am I?” She confirms, “you are not.” I can no longer see all I could previously, but this is some kind of beach city, somewhere, I do not get the feeling this location is in the U.S..

All the scenes begin collapsing into one another now as I mentally begin retracing my steps and trying to take all of this in. I am trying to make sense of it all. Where am I?, who am I? why am I here?, what is all of this? My conscious mind is struggling, grappling with it all, cycling through the scenes and certain elements. It doesn’t get very far, I, do not get very far. I am laying here, still, in a quandary as I write these words. What in the world has just happened?

May 10, 2023

Did I seize inside a dream? the clearing of my field

Work is being done on my system. I am in a house. cleaning.

A man shows up in the dream, we are standing in front of a stairway that goes up when all of a sudden something in me begins asking him “why don’t you look like yourself?” He is speaking with me and not answering so I just keep asking. It is like I am asking, not in the scene but on another level of consciousness. It is like my conscious mind is asking itself. And it is not setting the matter down. I am looking at him from various angles, from one I can see my dad, from another my youngest brother, Roger, who is a look-a-like of my dad, but neither of them is it—it is not who this is ( who is this? ). In trying to work it out when the scene shifts.

I am back in another house, 
there is a whole large group of people here, we are all cleaning things up. 

At one point I see a young light skinned girl of African decent curled up sitting on the floor beneath a window. She asks me a question and I begin telling her the story of the man who didn’t look like himself. In talking with her I am still trying to work out who he is. I am going through all the many possibilities when 1) I bend my head forward and what looks like a wig of short curly African hair falls into my hands and, 2 ) I ask myself if he could possibly have been an ancestor. I am looking into my hands at the wig, asking myself what this is and together with the word “ancestor” something happens inside me, my whole body goes into uncontrollable electrostatic shock. I am sitting here on the floor shaking as if having a seizure. It doesn’t feel bad ( it doesn’t exactly feel good either ) but it feels like something is being released, I am sweating and even lightly drooling. The girl is asking me why I am asking her all these things. I am explaining that it is because she had asked me the question. So I began telling her the story.

Following this, and other activity, I find myself tending to a young boy sleeping under a blanket on the floor. He has wet the makeshift bed thoroughly. He is softly grumbling at me for getting him up, and pointing this out as the reason why. He is saying he can’t help it, he’s got this hereditary thing in him. I tell him it is not hereditary, that what he has inside him is pee and he just needs to get up, go to the toilet and get it out. I scoot him off in the right direction. Now there are rabbits which have gotten outside into the street. I am retrieving them with another person, making sure the dogs out here are made to understand they are not a meal.

Back inside the house there are many other such encounters and brief conversations—until I find myself in a room with two other women, one of them is Carla Reukhert! I am receiving some instruction about logging my dream data ( or at least this is what Interpret the instruction to be on ), the idea of 9 pages is mentioned, bringing the writing down to 9 pages. Carla and I are laughing together as I say “you can always use stream of consciousness to draw a subject out to reach 9 pages.” ( yes!, haha.. ). Carla is actually doing this now, out loud on a mundane subject, just going on and on with her stream of consciousness.

May 8, 2023

Exhaustion reigns supreme

The past three days, May 6-8 I have been completely out of commission. Two girls from work walked off the job with no notice, leaving me as the sole person working the care aspect of the job. The night before last I could not get to sleep at all, I just laid here awake till the morning came, not. one. wink. of sleep. I was so exhausted by the time I got home and in bed last night that I was falling asleep eating my dinner, which I was eating while laying down in bed. Out like a light. Before I even knew it. I woke up the same way. My eyes just opened and I was laying here like this, for some time before I realized. This happened once or twice earlier in the week as well. It is the strangest thing, really. For the eyes to just open on their own, and not be immediately, consciously aware of it. I know I had been dreaming, and that the dreaming was on the intense end of the scale, but the physical pain of the body is in the way of me getting to it. Head and body pain, from the top of my head to the ends of my toes. So much that I am nauseous. And I am not really awake, even. Typing this I can barely retain an alert status. I think I will probably go back in. A wave of exhaustion is already coming over me again. 

May 5, 2023

All hell breaks loose, male dominance, physical abuse

It takes me longest time to get to sleep. Things have exploded at work and the stress is on. I try to take my mind off it by listening to Art Bell as I try to fall off to sleep. It takes several hours before I finally do. Once I get inside it is a whirlwind of fierce energies. A few short hours later I suddenly wake. It is just 6:45am. All I recall is that there is a dominant, alpha-type male who is physically abusive to the females who are around him. At first he is just explosive, it is not good to set him off, but then things escalate into actual physical abuse. I am tending to a woman he has physically beaten who is laying under a bundle of blankets. I have made myself a target by doing so. I don’t seem to even care. I’ll be damned if I am going to just leave her here without anyone to care for her. As my actions come more into his attention I increasingly become more of a target. I am now having to take more proactive measures to protect myself. I am having to hide from his sight. Some of the other girls are helping me by distracting him while I do what I must. Inevitably it is not enough. I think this is why I wake suddenly. When I do it is in a swirling whirlwind of energy. Everything is spinning. 

May 4, 2023

My council comes down, water, surrender, grandpa drives me home

Strong energy currents through the body tonight.

A group is meeting with me right here in the etheric frequency bandwidth of my room. Seneca is being discussed again in relation to water, Seneca and water, this is happening synchronously with the ordering of my new water filtration system, the Clearly Filtered pitcher which has now just arrived as of last night. I can recall no detail of what was discussed, only the event at large. I cannot even see those of the group who came directly down into my space. I can say they came down to personally investigate the device and pass on instructional information. I feel one in particular who stepped down and is at the helm of dispensing this knowledge. 

In all the years I have been paying attention to my water this has never happened. I am curious as to why it is happening now. The strength of the energy flows in the wake of my visitors is the principle element of the experience that is in my awareness. Much of my body’s water is being used to sustain my level of awareness. I can feel the dryness in my mouth. I would like to hold more—more awareness, more data, more detail—but it would seem I have not enough water. Perhaps this is why the curiosity, or interest on the part of my visitors. Will my new filtering system help hydrate me more sufficiently? It is a hopeful thought.

In the shift from the etheric back into the physical version of my room I am driving in an old truck with an elder male who I am calling grandfather. He is driving, I am in the passenger seat. I don’t recognize him as any of 3 grandfathers I have in this lifetime but he is decidedly a grandfather to me. We are speaking, but as is usual the conversation does not make it back with me. What does make it back is this,— we are driving for some time when all of a sudden at a critical and even dangerous junction he suddenly stops driving .. we are at the equivalent of a bend in the road that intersects with a more fast moving highway. 

I can’t get my grandpa to pay attention and merge out into the traffic so I begin to do it myself from the passenger seat. I successfully get us on but then the whole scene shifts. Grandma is driving again, he is grumbling about something and we are heading up an incline that it is no easy feat in this old truck. Boulders begin to appear sporadically around the weathered road which is barely paved in the tall grassy land that surrounds it. All of a sudden, again, grandpa stops driving and I feel I have to take over. I mean, someone has to drive. I make a hairpin turn to the left and the road just ends. I mean, it just ends, no further road lays beyond. I am not sure what to do. Grandpa takes over again, he gets the car turned around and heading back down the decline when for goodness sake he just stops driving AGAIN. 

There is nothing I can do this time. The truck is barreling downhill at a faster and faster speed until I know I have to surrender and just let go to whatever will be. There is a rush of adrenaline. You know? like what you would feel if you are in a speeding car that you could not stop or direct, that was aimed toward where a crash is immanent. I take hold of grandpa in my arms and just let go, surrender in my heart to what will be. I do know everything will be alright. That we will come out of this on the other side of somewhere. There is a lot of relief in letting go. I can feel my heart, the radiance of the love in my heart. It is faintly emanating a brilliant green. 

I am attempting to glean the lesson here, for there most surely is one. 

With this I find I am floating more toward the physical side of the experience than the etheric. I am 
back in my room.  The air feels really nice, there is an audible wind. 

It is lightly raining outside.

May 3, 2023

Over the border in Mexico without permission or identification

Earlier in the night I am with a middle-aged male.

I do not recognize him but, as is usual, he feels familiar. The backdrop is black, I see no environment, I am discussing with him a change that needs to be made in his diet. I am holding up what may be a large wad of his cash in my clenched fist and telling him we need to buy food two months at a time in advance. I am not sure he agrees but I am adamant. I am going to stock him up. This is all I recall of this lengthy segment. Later, towards morning—

I am over the border in Mexico ( again ).

I just want to get out of here and back onto the U.S. side of the line, I am the only one who does not even have identification on me, no papers or permits at all.

So far I have been lucky, oddly, or perhaps interestingly, I am also the only one who has not yet been carded. There are armed militia everywhere, almost every 10 steps I could take. One man is positioned at the escalator in front of me that leads back into the states. I am told he will only frisk, but not card me. This has been arranged by another female. Maybe he was paid off, I don’t know. Robyn is here, she is lingering, almost more like she is on vacation. I am the only one who is nervous and just wants to get out of here as fast as I can. It is probably smart that Robyn has this air about her, she won’t draw any attention or make anyone suspicious. But I really want her to hurry. I can’t just leave without her. I step up to the escalator, am frisked and let to go up. [ Something tells me there was more to the frisk than just itself. I think the other woman may have paid for me, or for us both with her body ]. I ride the escalator up, take a few steps forward and then turn to look around. Seconds go by, then minutes, Robyn is not coming up. 

She and all the others are just fine, I am not worried for them, they all have identification, but I am wondering what is holding them up, especially Robyn who I have come with and cannot leave without. She is taking care of some business and also enjoying herself down there. She is as cool as a secret agent. While I wait, John comes into the scene.

He comes over to get me and leads me to room where he has a large black suitcase on the floor. He opens it and is showing me a collection of items inside. I don’t know why he is showing this to me. He is mentioning how much of everything he has, but also how old everything is. There are rows and rows of spray bottles of something and dozens of other items. Following this brief activity my consciousness shifts back to the top of the escalator, where there are now rows of slot machines. The idea of the casino ( place of chance ) has been bleeding through into the experience from the beginning. I look down a few rows, then around a favorite corner where I know Robyn likes to play and there she is. She has been playing but is now just sitting here resting. She has an enormous bucket of nickels ( small change ) sitting next to her.

To say that I am surprised she is playing with nickels is an understatement. To me this indicates something may be wrong. Why is she playing so small? We seem to talk for a bit, although I don’t really know about what. Really I am just happy to see her and that she has come up from the Mexico side of the border. I tell her we should play the machine in front of me, and then the one to the left of it when the woman who was playing it leaves. I start feeding nickels into them both, but the nickels are getting jammed up inside. I am trying to push them through with a long skinny wooden stick when I begin to wake. The garage door is going up and down ( my room is over the garage ) and Ryn is talking loudly with a repairman. A lot of detail from the experience fragments. Through their conversation I write down what I can. 

It is hard to overcome how loud they are both talking and not get drawn that way >>
I think I have gotten the main gist.

May 2, 2023

Somewhere in time, in a wheelchair, in negative territory

It is the second night in a row that I have stayed up late, past 2:30 am.. I am not sure why, I am struggling to do so, pushing for hours through tired eyes and the body naturally wanting to fall off to sleep. This morning as I wake, I am in the lobby of a building, sitting in a wheelchair in the middle of the main throughway. The floors are white marble, the ceiling is extremely high. I see lots of tall windows and sporadic potted trees. I am not sure why I am in a wheelchair, my legs do work ( or I think they do ). Even more curious is that as people brush by me there is the thought in my mind of the chair being knocked over with me in it. Why am I playing “dead”, acting as though my legs are paralyzed and I cannot get myself back up? I have no idea. A man walking toward the front doors passes me by. He feels bad about it for a moment for some reason. There is a brief telepathic exchange between wherein I explain my arms are not strong enough to upright myself. It lasts less than a few seconds and then regardless he just leaves. Why do I need these people to see me as helpless? I do see it is important I do so, I just can’t see the exact reasoning. Asking myself this I do feel I am in a negative headquarters. The people here seem very regular but are more self serving than not. Is this why? I feel like I am trying to be as still and invisible as possible.

Once the man has left the building I upright myself, or I think I must have uprighted myself and the scenes shift. Now I am sitting with my wheelchair positioned just to the left of where I just was—behind a sofa. A group of women are beginning to gather here. It is like I am nodding off, I am leaning forward with my forehead right up against the back of the sofa. It has a high back and is upholstered in a weathered forest green leather. The wall behind me is wall to wall glass and I can see it is broad daylight. I wonder if the women will see me and do anything about me being here ( feigning sleep ). I am listening to their conversation, connecting in with them. Again I have no idea why. I listen to their conversation for some time but do not make it back with any of this data still intact. A loud sound coming from physical space, the sound large vehicles make to signal they are moving backwards wakes me suddenly. I lose all but the woman directly in front of where my forehead is resting. She is smartly dressed, has brown hair cut to shoulder length, the style of both her clothing and haircut, as well as the building itself indicate the timeframe may be the late 1960s, early 1970s. She is holding something up in her hand, held between her thumb and forefinger. I can only describe it. The object is rectangular, about an inch long, and a soft brown color.

The entire conversation the women were having, as well as all the shifts and interactions that occurred within it were experienced and fully intact before the loud noise suddenly woke me. Now I am in a quandary. I know it is getting late in the morning again and I am being pulled in two directions. The urge to get up and at least begin to start my day wins out over going back in for this data. I get up to use the bathroom. It is 9:30am.

May 1, 2023

Guidance from my Inner council + the concept of royalty

I am too exhausted to embed anything. As I notice this upon waking two things happen. The first is that I have instantly encapsulated the entire night’s dreaming in a single word concept: ROYALTY : and think to myself, “again.” This concept continues to present over the past week, and even more. The second thing is that my Inner council, in regard to opening to specific data is directing me to check in with the body .. to do a scan. I do immediately take this direction, but in the first few seconds realize I am simply too exhausted. It is also getting late in the morning, roughly 10am and lately I have taken it upon myself to be more productive on Mondays. I accomplish so much more through the week when I start it on the go, ahead of the proverbial ball. So I choose to just log this for today. I find each of the two things I’ve mentioned fascinating enough to focus in on them. Let’s see if I can employ my Council’s suggestion in the immediate days to come, and if this concept of “royalty” continues to come through.