When I look out into the room I am in – for example – it is as easy for me to see the space, which to me is clearly composed of elemental particles, as it is to see anything else. I can see the particles -of the air, water, solid objects, there are gazillions of them but it has always been simplest for me to rest my principal attention with the space. In comparison, solid objects are much harder to keep focused on, without some degree of head pain setting in as well as a body response similar to claustrophobia. This has been true for as long as I can remember.
At some point in my late twenties, I informally began a yogic/jnanic discipline called tratak (conscious gazing). I was very drawn to gazing into light sources, candle flames, streetlamps, the moon, headlights on cars, and would get rather blown away by the increased awareness that flooded through me as I held my gaze to the light. I was like a moth to a flame. I couldn’t tear my attention away. I didn’t realize it for some time, until very recently, actually, but what I would see during this is a good deal more than what others reported.
What I could see, I knew then and know now is [ to my own personal awareness ] a visual representation of the Universe and the way the Universe works. This practice became formal a decade later, and culminated many years ago with sun gazing.
Trataka is an external concentration practice in which you gaze steadily at some small object without blinking, while the eyelids are held slightly more open than usual. In the practice of trataka an object is first used to fix the attention, and arouse internal vision by making it absolutely steady through stopping the eye movements. And then gazed at until its subtle form manifests in front of the closed eyes. This directs a steady flow of attention increasingly inward.
The external practice is continued until the eyes water, at which point they are closed and relaxed. Trataka strengthens the eyes and sight and stimulates the awareness center. This stimulation is what allows the attention to not only accurately locate, but rest while fixed upon this center for increasing durations. This guides trataka into drishti, a yogic word and concept meaning ‘true vision’.
What I See as my Vision Expands
As an example, when I take my gaze into the place where ( for instance ) your body seems to be, and let it soften, I will begin to feel a sort of attraction. A magnetism that feels a bit like passing my hand over and around a candle flame. It is warm, and moving, there is an aliveness to it that draws me in. I will begin to find my interest being piqued now, becoming more open than it was just a moment ago. This all happens very rapidly and as it does my gaze slides and feels itself around like the hand with the flame, until, right there, somewhere within the outline of your form I will begin to see a kind of depth. A deep spot.
When I focus my gaze into it, the outer layer of your form—your human-form sweeps aside.. A lot like elevator doors. It is still there, clear in my vision, but it is not what my gaze is on. It is no longer the most obvious thing. I may see the bright-light patterns now, crystallized snowflake-like formations of delightful colored light. Or my attention may be drawn to the white-shadow, a sort of florescence that, as it begins to show up, highlights certain areas skirting the frame of the person, as well as lighting up various other areas.
When I accept the invitation and focus my attention into the white, your form goes entirely transparent. The room is ( or may still be ) there – the floor is there, the walls are there, the other items are there, but your form is gone—transparent. This sometimes startles me and when it does your form comes right back. But when I am able to remain calm with a steady attention into the transparency the feeling is incredible. I can feel it actually altering my structure. Like what I am intent upon is trying to include me in being that. I have only been able to maintain this for short durations, a minute or so, maybe two.
Just after this happening the feeling of it lingers, a wonderful lightness through the inside of me and something a bit like warm water all around me. I say this because you know how you can’t move fast, you can’t hurry, in water? It’s like this. There will be a golden molten glow all around now, an energy that I see as light streaming off absolutely everything. And I will see the elemental particles, moving points of light that seem to compose our particularized reality.
Visual Description of the Particles
When my attention is ‘zoomed out’ I see the particles generally, spread through my entire field of vision. With this view they are quite small, colorful, moving multi-colored pinpoints of light. When my attention pans around, or perhaps into a particular space, certain of the particles will jump out at me. Flashing themselves brighter, and bigger, typically in one prominent hue roughly the size of the head of a pin; a good 20x larger than the ones that are not jumping out. When my attention ‘zooms in’, isolating a particular particle, this is when it starts getting interesting because my attention can go in and look inside.
The view of the particles changes dramatically with each new dimension I see into. In 2D I typically see a flat, motionless, perfectly circular formation of bright light [ as though back lit, really bright ] with tiny pinpoints of light in its center—possibly white, or golden, or any other single solid color, approximately the size of the head of a medium sized nail. 2D is not totally impressive, but they are seen! In 3D they appear rainbow colored, have depth, and although perfectly stationary move within themselves like a kaleidoscope- sometimes flashing symbols.
In 4D they turn inside out and all around on themselves, and be ready if you make an attempt yourself to see them because they draw you in at this point. This is when I begin seeing them patterning out into long chains and spirals -as I go in- and also when I begin to lose consciousness. I do not recall consciously ever making it beyond seeing them do this. But at this point feel as though merging with the long chain and about to go on a roller coaster ride. I have never done well with roller coasters.
My First Experience Traveling Through Form—Shattering the Illusion of Privacy
Everything was right out in the open, right where it always has been and always will be, when the voice said “There is no such thing as privacy, you can see absolutely all of what is here that you want.” I was 9 years old…the first time I remember traveling through form. It was clean through a sheet I was intent upon -and by this means was moved into a whole new reality.
It was one of the few times I had ever been sick as a kid, the morning of my third day in bed without food. I remember being curled up on my side in an awkward little half circle, a comfortable position temporarily found. I had been here semi-awake for hours, I couldn’t move. All there was in my whole world was the sheet I was listlessly looking down at. That’s when it happened.
It was sudden, I no longer felt sick- I felt content, absolutely comfortable there all bent and twisted.. I was feeling very close, in very easy company and proximity with the sheet. I wasn’t ‘not seeing’ it anymore, or zoning out in boredom, somehow it had my attention and I was seeing it in clear, sharp, crisp colors.. even at this very close range where things usually went fuzzy.
It took only a moment, I was brought through one precise space in these clear, sharp, crisp colors and into the land of the elementals.. This was my first meeting with them, the living [light] particles I now know compose the world of form. They are conscious beings, just like we are, every one of them. This particular visit was short, within seconds I was brought into a great Expanse.
I don’t remember much of this Place, not from this visit, but I was conscious of being here and from here being healed. When I returned to my little room the first thing I saw was the sheet. I was immediately conscious of having just travelled through it. And I was smiling, still very peacefully happy. I wasn’t sick anymore. I wasn’t sick again for a very long time.
Seeing the Particles; A Coarse Technique
There are 3 crucial ingredients to this coarse technique
1. The item you are choosing to see the particles in/as will –or may– have to be very close to your eyes, probably no more than two inches or even closer. If you happen to wear glasses with either gold or silver rims this is absolutely perfect. Put them on and you will look right into the rims and/or the lenses.
2. You will —or may— need an outside light source, preferably the sun itself. If you have a window in your house the sun casts itself in through, great!, this is perfect.
3. The light source will —or may— need to come in on you sideways. Do not sit facing or away from it, but rather sideways to it so the light is streaming in from the left side of you toward your right or vice versa.
Now you will need an object, the finer the better to begin. A few ideas would be:
1. A pair of glasses (as described above)
2. Your hair, if it is long enough -or someone elses if they don’t mind loaning you a few strands
3. A thread -or the fringe of anything, a fine blanket, cashmere wrap, alpaca rug; anything fine
And now you’re ready.
Take your chosen item, sit yourself sideways to and at least halfway into the sun. Place your object up real close to your eyes, approximately where a pair of glasses would fall if you were wearing them -and look! Again, 2D is not totally impressive but you will see them. Hopefully you will see a few or even many of them. If you can keep the attention fixed and steady, you will begin seeing the tiny-brighties in more dimension.
copied from original blog dated January 1, 2012
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